I love Women (especially my lovely, very, very, very understanding wife), but there is a huge difference between how long it takes a guy to get ready, compared to a gal.
Let’s say it’s a dinner for an elderly family member’s birthday. The guy feverishly searches through the mysterious mound at the bottom of the closet of; shirts that don’t fit anymore, MC Hammer pants and two different kinds of flip flops to reveal “The Really Good Shoes”. The guy feels like Indiana Jones discovering a lost treasure, then spies a Motely Crue headband he wore to the concert he took Ellen “Best Cherry Stem Tie-r in the whole school” Smith to. His mind goes back to High School and all the fun he had.
“Are you ready to go, honey?” The voice of a woman running around breaks him from his day dreaming, “Yes,” he says. “You’d better be. We don’t want to be late!” Annoyed, he responds “Alright!”
“Indiana James” ventures into the back of the closet to find; his good suit, his Scream Halloween costume (Yes, he does think briefly about putting it on to go the birthday, but then remembers “the look” he will get from his wife) and one of mates of the Flip Flops (That he found in the mysterious mound in the bottom of the closet) that somehow was hooked onto a hanger in the closet. Indy suits up, and blames the dry cleaner for “shrinking” his suit a bit. He already took his shower, brushed his teeth, and now he’s dressed.
“Are you ready, honey?” The voice asked again. “Yes,” he responds, “You?” “Almost, I just have to fix my hair,” the voice can be heard from behind the bathroom door.
Let’s break it down, shall we –
“I just have to fix my hair” isn’t entirely true, that is an umbrella phrase for all kinds of things. It includes;
1. Actually fixing her hair,
2. Touching up her makeup,
3. Trying on 14 clothing arrangements, this includes; trying on the clothes (Some with “Honey, help me zip up,” some without that), looking in the mirror, shaking her head and trying on something else,
4. Looking for earrings, jewelry, purse, etc.
Then, he hears “Let’s go!!”
Let’s break this down –
“Let’s go” is another fallacy. “Going” isn’t anywhere near happening yet. Maybe I’m the idiot here, but I have waited in and outside of a car (Sometimes I talk to the neighbor waiting by his car, too), etc for 30 to 45 minutes for the “going” to happen. I finally got smart and when I’m ready to go, I fire up the Xbox360 and get my gaming on
until I hear click clack of the nice lady shoes rushing down the hall and I hear “Hurry up, let’s go! You’re gonna make us late!”
So, I’m the one that’s gonna make us late.
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Thanks for reading. Jeff (The Dumb Guy)