We heard about the hullabaloo about Alice Eve having a scene in her underwear in Star Trek: Into Darkness and we wanted to look into this ourselves and see if Men could appreciate Women apart from their boobs. So, this blog post is about Men appreciating Women for more than their boobs. Take our test and see if you can NOT look at Alice Eve’s boobs. Starting Now.
It’s 2013. We’ve done lots as the human race. I mean we have a Man Groomer (so Men can shave their own backs) for Heaven’s Sake, but even with all that, sometimes the small things still allude mankind – like a bathroom stall door that will stay shut the entire “visit”.
There is nothing like running to or from somewhere, let’s say you are in an airport and (of course) your connecting gate is on the other side of the airport (I’m looking at you DFW airport). You run in, praying to the Latrine god that there is a spare. You are in luck! Huzzah! You rush in and quickly look for the lock.
Hmm, you see where it used to be. Now, you realize you are the joke of the Men’s room, because all the other guys ran in this one first and left it because it had no lock. What do you do? Natural is calling – screaming now, so you run through the options of keeping the stall door closed to spare you the weird introduction to the guy waiting, because it eases open when you touch (or look at the side wall of the stall). You could;
1. Use your carry on bag as a Wall of Security (with Cinnamon Bears in a zipped flap), but what if you have no carry on bag, and you’re not in an airport restroom, no lock, what do you do?
2. (This takes planning) Slip in something the size of bottle cap into the slot where the hinge is, or
3. Create one out of the cardboard of the paper butt gaskets or toilet paper and push in the slot on the hinge side, or
4. (This takes lots of focus and multi-tasking abilities) Use your shin (sort of easy) or foot (Very, very difficult) to keep the door shut, or you could buy one of these
5. Introducing the Stall Stopper . Now, carrying it around all the time after you use it, is all on you, but I wanted to let you know.
So, has the door opened on you? How do you keep the bathroom stall door shut if it has a flimsy or no lock?
Just be glad the bathroom stall door doesn’t sound like a whale.
I like going to the movies. Sometimes I go with my lovely wife
other times I go with a larger group.
I’ve noticed that I have been given a few gifts;
I can wiggle my ears,
I can mimic voices, and
I have a big bladder.
So, because of the bladder thing I have one job at the movies – The Seat Saver. I annoy Sammie, so let’s let her get it off her chest, then I will continue.
FYI – Sammie says the “B” word twice and pronounced Hair as “Her”.
So, since everyone else has stock bladders and I must have gotten the bladder upgrade, I save seats. So what? You say. Well, I invite you to come along when we see movies on the opening night or opening weekend.
Here are some ways I suggest saving seats;
1. Bring a ventriloquist dummy and put on an act;
Person wanting one of the seats I am saving: You saving those seats? Dummy: You talking to me? Person wanting one of the seats I am saving: No, the other dummy. Are you saving those seats? Me: I’m not, the other dummy is, ask him,
this goes on for awhile…
2. Wear a T-shirt that says “Yes, I’m saving these seats for a group of Hell’s Angels that just quit smoking and caffeine yesterday.”
3. Drape “Awake” and “Watchtower” magazines over the seats you are saving, and if someone removes one of the magazines say, “Your address please?”
4. Wear a T-shirt that says “I have taken a 10 year vow of silence until this movie starts”
5. If you are lucky enough to have one other person from the group stay with you. You wear a T-shirt that says, “Got IBS“, then the other person in your group sitting next to you wears a T-shirt that says, “He does (with an arrow pointing to you)” and they have a clothespin on their nose.
What are some other fun ways that you have saved seats at the movie theater on opening weekend for a film?
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I’ve always been a Pippa fan. I think both sides of her are cute, and I always root for the one who isn’t going to rule England one day (I figure she needs it).
I was lucky enough to attend the royal wedding (You know, the one when her sister got married), a guest of Mr. P. Shop.
I had quite a bit of Botox that morning so I had a very strange look on my face, but I heard that hats were very important to the Brits, so I brought one.
It seemed that Pippa took a shine to me and thought I was the Earl of something and asked me to pose for pictures with her and some red headed guy. She blushed when she read the sign I made for her.
It’s a shame that the royal guards “escorted” me out so quickly after the photos. I told them I could quote almost the entire “Monty Python and The Holy Grail,” but it didn’t do any good. Just for that, I’m returning my Mr. Bean DVD Collection and I will continue to push my “It’s DOWNTOWN, not Downton Abby” petition to 500 signatures. You’ll see!