It’s 2013. We’ve done lots as the human race. I mean we have a Man Groomer (so Men can shave their own backs) for Heaven’s Sake, but even with all that, sometimes the small things still allude mankind – like a bathroom stall door that will stay shut the entire “visit”.
There is nothing like running to or from somewhere, let’s say you are in an airport and (of course) your connecting gate is on the other side of the airport (I’m looking at you DFW airport). You run in, praying to the Latrine god that there is a spare. You are in luck! Huzzah! You rush in and quickly look for the lock.
Hmm, you see where it used to be. Now, you realize you are the joke of the Men’s room, because all the other guys ran in this one first and left it because it had no lock. What do you do? Natural is calling – screaming now, so you run through the options of keeping the stall door closed to spare you the weird introduction to the guy waiting, because it eases open when you touch (or look at the side wall of the stall). You could;
1. Use your carry on bag as a Wall of Security (with Cinnamon Bears in a zipped flap), but what if you have no carry on bag, and you’re not in an airport restroom, no lock, what do you do?
2. (This takes planning) Slip in something the size of bottle cap into the slot where the hinge is, or
3. Create one out of the cardboard of the paper butt gaskets or toilet paper and push in the slot on the hinge side, or
4. (This takes lots of focus and multi-tasking abilities) Use your shin (sort of easy) or foot (Very, very difficult) to keep the door shut, or you could buy one of these
5. Introducing the Stall Stopper . Now, carrying it around all the time after you use it, is all on you, but I wanted to let you know.
So, has the door opened on you? How do you keep the bathroom stall door shut if it has a flimsy or no lock?
Just be glad the bathroom stall door doesn’t sound like a whale.
I like going to the movies. Sometimes I go with my lovely wife
other times I go with a larger group.
I’ve noticed that I have been given a few gifts;
I can wiggle my ears,
I can mimic voices, and
I have a big bladder.
So, because of the bladder thing I have one job at the movies – The Seat Saver. I annoy Sammie, so let’s let her get it off her chest, then I will continue.
FYI – Sammie says the “B” word twice and pronounced Hair as “Her”.
So, since everyone else has stock bladders and I must have gotten the bladder upgrade, I save seats. So what? You say. Well, I invite you to come along when we see movies on the opening night or opening weekend.
Here are some ways I suggest saving seats;
1. Bring a ventriloquist dummy and put on an act;
Person wanting one of the seats I am saving: You saving those seats? Dummy: You talking to me? Person wanting one of the seats I am saving: No, the other dummy. Are you saving those seats? Me: I’m not, the other dummy is, ask him,
this goes on for awhile…
2. Wear a T-shirt that says “Yes, I’m saving these seats for a group of Hell’s Angels that just quit smoking and caffeine yesterday.”
3. Drape “Awake” and “Watchtower” magazines over the seats you are saving, and if someone removes one of the magazines say, “Your address please?”
4. Wear a T-shirt that says “I have taken a 10 year vow of silence until this movie starts”
5. If you are lucky enough to have one other person from the group stay with you. You wear a T-shirt that says, “Got IBS“, then the other person in your group sitting next to you wears a T-shirt that says, “He does (with an arrow pointing to you)” and they have a clothespin on their nose.
What are some other fun ways that you have saved seats at the movie theater on opening weekend for a film?
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I’ve always been a Pippa fan. I think both sides of her are cute, and I always root for the one who isn’t going to rule England one day (I figure she needs it).
I was lucky enough to attend the royal wedding (You know, the one when her sister got married), a guest of Mr. P. Shop.
I had quite a bit of Botox that morning so I had a very strange look on my face, but I heard that hats were very important to the Brits, so I brought one.
It seemed that Pippa took a shine to me and thought I was the Earl of something and asked me to pose for pictures with her and some red headed guy. She blushed when she read the sign I made for her.
It’s a shame that the royal guards “escorted” me out so quickly after the photos. I told them I could quote almost the entire “Monty Python and The Holy Grail,” but it didn’t do any good. Just for that, I’m returning my Mr. Bean DVD Collection and I will continue to push my “It’s DOWNTOWN, not Downton Abby” petition to 500 signatures. You’ll see!
Working Out is important, but not fun – like doing your taxes, getting a physical, or taking college classes (and trying to get good grades).
Men are all about getting there. Men will only go and workout if;
1. The weather is good enough (Not too hot or too cold),
2. There’s isn’t alot of traffic on the roads,
3. He can find a *good* parking space at the gym parking lot,
4. The cute gal is working at the juice bar,
5. He can find an eye-level locker,
6. He can find an open treadmill next to the water fountain,
you get the idea.
Women and working out takes on a whole new level of must haves. To go work out, the lady must have;
1. The *right* Work Out shoes, which must *go* with
2. The matching Work Out outfit with
3. The matching Water Bottle with
4. The matching earbud cords with
5. The matching bag to carry it all in.
Don’t believe that they think like this? Take it away Glamorous Gaby 1!!!
Moments that stand out;
“Yoga pants provide “cute coverage”” What’s cute coverage?? I thought it was Kristen Bell with a mic and camera on the Oscar Red Carpet. Besides, men are usually against coverage of cute. Ya know.
A “popping print” headband. Guys would reach for a Rambo or Keith Richards headband. No popping print, just a place to soak up the sweat (if there is an open treadmill, of course).
Gals wear earrings to work out? Earrings?
Great tip about the water, btw. Thanks.
“Sparkly” Tennis Shoes. Is this a “Twilight” thing?
“Low Key” Workout Outfit??? Now you’re talking. I’ll just wear my U2 Joshua Tree shirt , Chucks and Big ‘ol shorts down to my knees with a thousand pockets on em to do my “low key” workout (Which includes relaxation (Latin for a nap)) and focusing my Chi on my Xbox360 .
“I knotted up a loose tank to make the outfit look ‘effortless'” Well, guys are the kings of making outfits look effortless, without the knotted tank.
“The knot I made on the side is a “90’s” knot” 90’s knot??? Where is this list of decade knots? I’ll bet a 60’s knot is real crazy.
I don’t know what a “cute sweatshirt” is. Now unless it’s 20 below, I’m a no-sweatshirt kinda guy.
Spandex, ahh! Now, you’re talking. Don’t judge, but for us ‘hefty’ guys, spandex boxer shorts are great for us bigger gents walking (No chaffing). I took all cotton boxer to Walt Disney World one time and almost died. Spandex boxers, that’s the ticket gents.
Thanks Gaby for giving us guys a glimpse into what women go through to get dressed up and go workout.
Guys get dressed in clothes that fit, and if it goes together, its a miracle.
This is the goofiest Mick Jagger video – ever. Let’s Work – out! Lose weight and kill poverty, right Mick?
So, guys or ladies, what are your thoughts on getting dressed up to work out?
There are songs that you don’t like, but for some reason they are like the newest “In Search of Nessie/Big Foot/A Really Good Star Wars Video Game” show, you get hooked and can’t walk away.
Muskrat Love is one of those things. I haven’t taken the time to see if songs about animal love are even legal, but I will keep listening and take the risk of PETA coming to my house (hopefully they send pretty ladies directly after a photo shoot).
So, I was on http://grooveshark.com (It’s like youtube for music) and then it happened, I typed M-U-S-K-R-A-T L-O-V-E and there it was. Ny audio nemesis – Muskrat Love
recorded by a duo that created some of the catchiest pop/synth songs in the 70’s, Captain (Not a real Captain. I think he found the hat on sale, or something) and Tennille.
Now, if that was the only version, that would be bad enough, but the cooly cruel Grooveshark drags you deeper into its web of awful (ly good) 70’s novelty hits. C&T weren;t the first to record this Amorous Ondatra song, here is the original by Willis Alan Ramsey
I love Women (especially my lovely, very, very, very understanding wife), but there is a huge difference between how long it takes a guy to get ready, compared to a gal.
Let’s say it’s a dinner for an elderly family member’s birthday. The guy feverishly searches through the mysterious mound at the bottom of the closet of; shirts that don’t fit anymore, MC Hammer pants and two different kinds of flip flops to reveal “The Really Good Shoes”. The guy feels like Indiana Jones discovering a lost treasure, then spies a Motely Crue headband he wore to the concert he took Ellen “Best Cherry Stem Tie-r in the whole school” Smith to. His mind goes back to High School and all the fun he had.
“Are you ready to go, honey?” The voice of a woman running around breaks him from his day dreaming, “Yes,” he says. “You’d better be. We don’t want to be late!” Annoyed, he responds “Alright!”